The Stairway To Heaven...Part Two

We are fortunate (?) to have a guest blogger today.

As many of you who are active readers of this blog know, recently one of our cats suffered a terrible loss. Eli, through no fault of his own (well okay maybe weight had something to do with it) had his stairway to heaven severely compromised by a broken branch.

While it appears to this writer that with a modicum of effort on Eli's part, an alternate route could have been mapped out, many of you (59…really?) decided it was my responsibility to amend this injustice. While I am no fan of online polls (do you realize most prisons allow internet access?) I finally decided I would put my incredible handyman skills to work on this project in response to the public outcry.

After a period of thoughtful introspection I formulated a plan for the project. And to the novice handymen and women out there, by thoughtful introspection I mean many long arduous days of fishing spread out over several weeks.



As with any project of this scope and magnitude, procuring the finest materials and tools is paramount. So I went out to the barn and basically grabbed whatever was in plain sight. For those of you following along, instead of a barn you may want to check in your shed, garage or even in your “shop”. I do know that the fabled “shop” does exist as I have seen pictures of them in magazines (editor's note - apparently all available "shop" space has been occupied by, um, my stuff ;-).



So with duct tape, ladder and a short piece of 1x2 (shortened by the time honored method that every plumbers son uses – a swift karate leg chop – watch for flying splinters!!) I approached the daunting task with confidence. Confidence that I may add, which was conspicuously absent from the gathered bystanders.



The refitting of the broken pieces was performed by, well, basically refitting the broken pieces onto the unbroken pieces. Now for the tricky part: application of the duct tape. Sure many of you think you know how to apply duct tape, but do you really? The first consideration is do you want to use the entire width of the product, or do you want to tear it into tiny bits? This project called for the whole enchilada.

Secondly when using duct tape outdoors it is important to take into consideration if there is any wind that you may have to deal with? Many a project started hastily in subpar conditions has gone terribly awry due to wind induced duct tape self adhesion. It’s really kind of like duct tape on duct tape violence. Not pretty. Nobody wins.

Lastly and most importantly is the decision about directionality – clockwise or counterclockwise wrapping. I generally prefer the counterclockwise wrap for most projects (that’s just who I am…) but this one called for what I like to refer to as the “combo wrap”. Pretty much just wrapping it several different directions and then adding a few “smoothing layers” over the top to hide any imperfections.

And there you have it. Voila (or as I used to pronounce it until I knew better “vee-ola”) - the completed project. In a little under 55 seconds we had a winner.



Of course as with any technical project such as this there are always those pesky “extra” parts that are left over.

Whenever finishing a big project like this it’s always gratifying to to stand back and say “Yep, that'll hold. I’m going fishing”.

Remember kids, if you can’t fix it with duct tape or a hammer, then you have an electrical problem.